I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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