I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
