Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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