I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
