I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
