I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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