Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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