Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
