shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
