Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
