just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
