Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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