I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
