the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
