I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
