So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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