I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
