And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
