Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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