if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
