I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
