Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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