Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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