come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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