Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
