I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
