So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
