So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
