dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
