I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
