I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
