Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
