drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
