Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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