I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
