It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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