i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
