so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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