we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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