Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
