Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
