Do you still have your period?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
