Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
