I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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