so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
