Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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