it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
