I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Where is the hickey?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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