I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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