i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
