the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
