I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Barsexuality is the new black.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
