Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sorry my hands just texted you
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
