Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
