i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
